Christmas

Today is Christmas. My sister, Martita, came up last week. Mom and Dad drove up yesterday. We had a big family dinner last night and I woke up this morning ready to open presents. Only I couldn't open any presents because it wasn't really Christmas.

My doctor's visit today was supposed to be the big day. Finally after nine weeks of chemo and weeks of "recovery" I was supposed to find out how I was really doing. Only I didn't get the answers I was expecting. It was a very disapointing day (and not in a "I wanted toys but all I got were clothes" sort of way) I feel like I'm still waiting. Yes, the tumor has shrunk --- a disappointingly slight 2.3 cm (it went from about 10 cm to 7.7 cm. We wanted it to be closer to 3 cm) though it's still shrinking. And, no I'm probably not going to have surgery but not because of the reasons I expected. The tumor surrounds my aorta making removal via surgery very difficult if not impossible. While the urologist will still make the final call on surgery my doctor doubts the urologist will want to risk it. So, we'll probably just watch and wait. This isn't an unusual plan for a smaller tumor but is unusual for something this size. So, the big question of the day is: What's causing this pain? This is a concern for all of us. I want this tumor gone but it looks like I'll have to live with it for a long time.